The BlogJam

(that's web log Jeffrey A Martin)

(or for the newbies, Jeff's Sequential-yet-Random Thoughts page)

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Note: I suspect that this blog is now mostly Dash Observations.

Sunday, 9:15p, October 23, 2005

I moved this entry over to the Dash Delivery page. 

Thursday, 5:45p, November 17, 2005

Mom and Dad Stokes just arrived home from helping us out for two weeks.  After about two days home from the hospital with no help, I said to Leigh that we had to get some help immediately.  They were a tremendous help.  Lifted a burden, knowing they were there.

I went back to work a while back after a week and a half off.  Forgot to bring a picture, felt bad.  But there were a bunch of pictures posted all over the CalTrans trailer thanks to Debbie and Sara.  Quite heartwarming.

Looked at first-days video a couple of nights ago.  Dash didn't seem all that different, but Leigh and I laughed as I was narrating "Uh oh, he's getting fussy, I have to put the camera down."  "That's fussy?  That ain't nothing."  We reminisced with longing those half-hearted cries.  The boy can belt it out now.  There was a period where he had a very reasonable moderated cry that indicated that he was hungry or uncomfortable.  Very low stress.  Now he puts everything into it.  A bit too much.  Not like he's in severe pain or anything, but like it's the end of the world nonetheless.

The hardest part of it all is the uncertainty.  A clear pattern has emerged that will undoubtedly continue for, oh, four or five decades:  we'll master one skill and Dash will say "oh yeah, but can you handle THIS?"

A while ago I didn't understand the inconvenience of insomnia.  "If I can't sleep I'll read.  No problem."  Then after suffering some insomnia I realized that choosing to get up and read requires a clear decision and a threshold of effort that in effect abandons the possibility of immediate sleep.  The result is that one spends hours on the very edge of sleep, hoping to doze off but neither sleeping nor reading.

The nightly feedings, which Dash likes every two hours (Bad Boy!) is similar.  While they may take twenty minutes, there might be a thirty minute evaluation period preceding it.  "He's fussing.  Will he sleep through it?  Will he go back to sleep?  It's been three hours.  He never goes two long.  Should I wake him up now and get it over with?"  The 5am to 6:00am period is especially dubious as he is very fussy and noisy while sleeping.

The other confusing thing, and it has been true since birth, is that all the elements of the feeding/diaper/burping/falling-asleep relationship is contradictory.  The goal is to fully feed him and then get him back to sleep (guilt:  I love him, but want him unconscious).  Contradiction one: slackerboy finds the breast very relaxing and tends to nod off well before he's full.  Contradiction two:  burping must occur after feeding, which is usually signaled by Dash sleeping; burping wakes him up (plus finds any burping strong enough to be effective quite annoying).  Contradiction three: stripping the boy naked keeps him awake for longer feeding but putting clothes back on wakes him up and keeps him awake.

The uncertainty is the thing.

In other "developments"  when he is in his Active Alert state, he now focuses well and finds my face almost as interesting as a blank wall or a ceiling.  He definitely looks around at a lot of things.  He also now likes to make noises while doing anything.  Maybe 'cuz he knows I'll fill in any silence with my babbling.

BTW I will NOT circumcise another child.  The mother of that baby in the park was NOT happy with me.

Saturday, 11:00a, November 19, 2005

Okay, just to prove that this isn't a Dash-only blog: Kate Bush.  

But first some general ramblings about music.

There's nothing quite like a song you just love.  Mood lifting, perhaps inspiring.  Nothing quite like being in love with a song.  Wait: being in love with an album or an artist.  You can appreciate the talent in a great song, but I can't think of a single song where I'm inspired to think: genius!  It takes more than a single song or even a pair.  

Even a nine minute song like Jane's Addiction's "Three Days", which I consider a great, complex song, doesn't get me thinking that Perry Ferrell's a genius (like Ozzy Osbourne, is he even functional anymore?).

I do, however, appreciate a song that deviates from the 3-minute verse-verse-refrain-verse-refrain-bridge-verse-refrain pattern.  

There are few things catchier than that great 3-minute pop song.  A great melody played out.  There are some Pop albums that are great fun, but essentially meaningless (off the top of my head: Elastica's  self-titled, That Petrol Emotion's "Chemicrazy").

I appreciate yearning and earnestness in my favorite songs (and albums and movies and in how people live their lives) (I appreciate sheer emotional angst in music much more so than in movies and life (in the latter I prefer transcendence and redemption).  And who says you can have your fun and boppiness while scathing political criminals (perhaps still holding office)? "It's been a while / since you said 'Heil!' / you CIA-bred necrophile" croons the Fatima Mansions.

An album as a piece of work, like a musical play, is more than just a group of songs purchased in bulk.  A song can be like a great date, but the album is the relationship.  A series of great dates can get you thinking that you're on to something pretty deep.  

A great album has to have very good songs.  They don't all need to be great songs, but they need to fit together in a great whole and contribute to that whole.  A great album can build up like a great song.

On the other hand, some of my favorite albums have songs that fit together well without actually contributing to each other.  The albums still delivers an intense cohesive emotional and acoustic wallop.  Take Joy Division's legendary "Unknown Pleasures."  It's dark and throbbing and oh so urgent, though after twenty years I still couldn't tell you specifically what it's about.  And it doesn't matter.

A great album doesn't have to have a specific ARTISTIC theme to transcend the "conglomeration of songs" label.  The Cure's "Wish" somehow seems like a story, perhaps merely by the sequencing and titling  (the opening track is called "Open" and the ending track is called "End.").  Midnight Oil's "10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1" doesn't have an explicit artistic thread between songs but is in my five albums of all time, because of its consistent call to political awareness and responsibility and the way the songs build, blend, and supplement each other musically.

Which leaves the type of album I have a soft spot for: the Concept album.  Where the 50- or 70-minute work builds to a single statement.  Take early Rush as the premier example (neglect their "By-Tor and the Snow Dog," though, as this might have been a parody).  Two albums in my top five are clearly concept albums: Poe's "Haunted" and Kate Bush's "Hounds of Love."

Back to Kate Bush

Kate Bush has three albums that I consider completely excellent.  Kate's 1977 debut "The Kick Inside" gorgeously showcases the raw talents of a deeply emotional and insightful young girl with a powerful wild voice and a vocal style from somewhere out of the blue sky. An extremely sensitive and moving album.  A true classic, carried by her voice and the nakedness of her emotions.

Kate then put out a series of albums that were experimental and bold, but don't quite stand the test of time.  

"The Dreaming," which may or may not be a concept album is definitely a conceptual album.  High-energy wildly creative songs that work and do stand the test of time.  This is a great, fun, album, but I'm not sure if meets the "Classic" standard.

1985(+/-) "The Hounds of Love."  Genius.  Her masterpiece. Creative on all levels.  The second half, called "The Ninth Wave."  Call it 30 minutes of tightly connected concept, perhaps my favorite 30-minute block of music I've ever heard.  An example of her poetry/imagery:  "Hello, Earth. / Hello, Earth! / With just one hand held out high / I can blot you, blot you out of sight / Peekaboo, Peekaboo.  Little Earth, Little Earth.  " I can't help but picturing myself somewhere past lunar orbit, stopping what I'm doing and playing Peekaboo with our planet.  

I had often thought that if aliens came up to me and said "Jeff, we would like you give us a musician's work that can help us understand the soul and the hope of your species" I would give them Kate's "Kick Inside," "The Dreaming," and "The Hounds of Love" as they convey a beautiful voice, wild creativity in music (while still having danceable structure), and the emotional sensitivity we humans can possess.   Several reviewers have said "It is a privilege to share this planet with Kate Bush" and I agree wholeheartedly.

Kate puts out "The Sensual World" in 1989.  Pretty much standard 4-minute songs, three of which are really good, the rest reminding me of, dare I say it, filler.  "Rocket's Tail" transcends and is great powerful poetry (look up the lyrics) and musically a blast.

1993's "The Red Shoes" is a bunch of catchy tunes making up a decent no-filler album of catchy tunes.  But not brilliant and not genius.

Which brings us to...

Kate Bush's new album "Aerial"

I often listen to music while working.  I've been listening to "Aerial" every day for about a week now.  So a few days back I was fully into that rare joy of an album that is genius.  It's truly one of the best feelings I know, being immersed in music you love, connecting emotionally (even the skewedly political urgings of Midnight Oil's Peter Garrett is passionately emotional) with a vocalist you love, when the new music is familiar enough that you can follow along, participate and anticipate, but where it's still new enough that new subtleties, nuances, and insights continually show themselves to your delight.  

The discovering-that-new-genius-album joy was multiplied by the fact that it created by a beloved hero who last moved us so deeply 20 years ago.  While it doesn't surpass "Hounds of Love" the second CD is essentially a standalone concept album with long free-ranging songs that work as one.  Brilliant.  Genius.  It lacks the harsh energetic edginess of her younger stuff.  It is more mature, how can it not be?  With maturity we lose some things and gain others.  We can fight the change or embrace it but it's not going away.  

Joy

Dash

After Dash woke up after I got home from work yesterday, I did my normal walking around the bottom floor with him.  He was quiet and content for a change and stayed that way for a long time.  He actually makes eye contact with you now (as opposed to looking in the direction of your head like he did for the first week and at your head like he did for two weeks after that).  He'll look at one eye and then the other.  Pretty cool.  Like he's REALLY checking you out (and hopefully not judging too harshly).  

I like to hold him on my chest rather upright and let him look around.  I'll turn my body towards where he's looking.  Often he keeps looking to the left or right out of view, which results in long spins.  He also likes when I walk near the ceiling lights and windows.

I put in the Kate Bush album and turned it up.  Baby's first Kate Bush.  Important parenting, right there.  The staples.  We waltzed around for a while.

Leigh had some of our pregnant friends over for dinner, Dash was hungry and I fed him a bottle.  I like feeding him because I feel like I'm doing something tangibly beneficial.

So he was a good boy for a long time.  A good day.

Having a baby to take care of is a lot like surfing in some ways.  I've never really been able to surf although I have been able to stand on a surfboard (there is a big gulf between doing that and actually SURFing).  Most of the time, like 99% of the time, it can be exhausting and punishing as waves pummel and batter you.  But the punishment is good punishment, by nature itself; a kind of holy beating.  Worthy in and of itself.  And then after two hours of pummeling you catch a wave and it's magic.

Keeping the kid happy when he's fussy or when its 3am can be a kind of pummeling, and it's not as intrinsically fun as the surf pummeling.  And it lasts long.  But you get these periods when the boy seems happy and content and safe and like he's going to be just fine.  And it's MAGIC!

This morning he awoke in a good mood and he was in that Quiet Observer mode, seeming very wise and at peace with all things.  I've known joy before.  But the moments of joy with the baby are so profound and deep they overwhelm the moment and pierces hope and joy decades into the future.  There's nothing like it.

So I'm standing there with my son staring at my tear-streamed face and Kate Bush is in the background singing to her son:

"You bring so much joy.

And then you bring me...

...more Joy!"

 

Earlier Blogjam ending 2005, September 1

The view to the right is the looking into the house from the front door (diagonally to the northwest). It's actually more torn up now.  That ladder is our staircase.  

I tore out drywall in September.  Only now is it getting going, but there are frequent discouraging setbacks.

We're hoping to get things done in time to have a little sanity time before Dash comes along.

Before and Proposed, Current Pictures

Jeff in the west excavation.

House is coming along.  The biggest items remaining are kitchen and bathroom cabinets and countertops.  Probably next Wednesday for cabinets, two weeks after that the granite should be done.  Then done?  Then three weeks of rest (I seriously wonder if we're capable).

The master bathtub room has been converted to an office.  Dash will have a crib and stuff in there for a while.

Some miscellany: stairs, tile sealing, wood sanding.

Leigh's upstairs watching the US Open.  Tennis is her addiction, college football is mine.  A nice afternoon.  Very enjoyable watching football, doing something fun (this).  From the same position I sat last year I saw a nice sunset.  

The Booga was very friendly; he got a good long and overdue petting and brushing.  Pulled out a lot of hair.  Threw it blithely on the floor for the last time (haha) since I think that after the cleanup this weekend I'll have to honor "we're actually in a house" standards again.

Leigh just told me the cats were locked in so that explains their attention.  Sigh.

The BlogJam

(that's web log Jeffrey A Martin)

(or for the newbies, Jeff's Sequential-yet-Random Thoughts page)

Drop me a very brief email and say "hi":  This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Note sure of the blog format, but here goes:

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Leigh's in Michigan visiting the folks.

Whoops, August 24.   That's Danny's Birthday.  I didn't forget (it's on my Outlook Calendar), I didn't even forget to call (not for over three hours at a time, anyway).  I just kept hitting "Snooze" until it's now 11:15p in Orlando.  That's pretty much my personal/family niceties in a nutshell. 

Quick recap for the last 18 months or so:  work, work, stress, stress, work, knee injury to start the summer.  Fat, slow.  Burnt out.  Travel only to work and parents (I actually did a combo trip in July).  Saw the family and met Taylor and Zoe.

Only new thing is the new rental property, which we'll want to move into eventually.

I've doing a lot of work (essentially full time since April) as a consultant on Oklahoma Department of Transportation's MicroStation/InRoads upgrade.  It's good work, but of finite duration.  Haven't done all that much training lately, need to do some marketing.  Used the first quarter of 2003 to write a really good InRoads training manual (but I haven't marketed it very hard (that, in a nutshell, is what makes me a poor businessman:  I don't balance the effort toward the actual money making part (Good lord, I just flashed back to this utterly tremendous "Theatre of Epidorous" I made for Humanities in 1983: it took three people to carry it, but 20% of the grade was on the report, which I didn't do so I got a "B."). 

Anyway, I've achieved a lot of satisfaction over the last three years; my only remaining interest is to find some sort of balance.  I am serving too many masters, I'd like Leigh be a little higher in the priority list and community to be up there higher.

Concerning my slothfest, I popped on-line today (after spending around 24 hours fighting with a balky laptop and backup system (I feel exposed without a reliable backup system, which I do not have right now)) and found out that the Silver Strand half marathon is November 16.  Which should be plenty of time to actually run in it.  Leigh and I were running around 12 miles back in 2000 in prep for a marathon but bowed out to go do "funner" things.  I haven't run since. Got out of shape instead.  The 2 miles I did tonight was a beating, I have never been this out of shape in my life.  I always used to be able to pop back into shape after a work binge.  That certainly isn't the case at this age.  240 lbs at 37, compressed L4-L5, bad knee.  Marathons and the like exist because, without tangible goals, who would run?

Okay,  I've got to get back to work.  More OkDOT stuff; then some proposals to Bentley,  then tomorrow I'll be attending the American Public Works convention representing Archway and InfoTech (I really am behind on OkDOT).

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

I've been in such a major funk over the last several weeks.  So exhausted and worried with "many masters" of three years of independent consulting.  I don't like to pick up the phone.  Not a good trend.  It's also been way hard to get my arms around the InRoads management for OkDOT.  I've there now, but it's taken two to 2.5 times longer than I expected, even without the distractions.  I am so much more efficient in an office (on the other hand, the stuff I do in offices tend not to be this nebulous and distended.  Chill.  Patience.

I was dreading indoor Volleyball on Monday night, but it turned out to be fun and relieving.  I figured out that if I stand closer to the net receiving serve that I pass a lot better around the shoulders than at the ankles.  Too bad it took me five seasons to figure that out.  My court position at the net on offense has been pretty bad over the same time period.  So our aptly named team, The Ballshank Redemption, played our first game like we had never played together before (we hadn't) getting clobbered 15-14.  We overcame an 2-8 deficit to take the second game 16-14.  We won the last game 1-0 (time limit) with a lot of controversy for one point.  We seem to be the team with the highest slop and controversy factor every season.

Feeling overwhelmed, but I made a bunch of calls, so I feel much better.  It certainly feels better to be disappointing half of everybody you know rather than all of them.  It feels twice as good.

I was pretty sore from my first run, but my run this morning felt much better.  Maybe I finally got kickstarted on this running thing (which will eventually spark a broader effort).  Hope I can stay injury free.

 Thursday, September 4, 2003

Got home from Traverse City on Monday for a few hours before heading to Dallas.  Leigh's parents are doing well, until I forced them to take me to Sault Saint Marie, Ontario.  I am pretty big on long road trips to see new places on maps without actually getting out of the car.  Momma P finished her radiation treatment and is looking good (I'd say "Hot" but the Geiger counters would cry "Foul!").  Went to a Traverse City Central HS football game with Dad, which was very enjoyable.  Actually the whole weekend was.

Still running every other day for 30 minutes or more.  40 minutes on Tuesday.  The 240 lbs of fat is starting to protest.  This time running is a bit more precarious because of the number of systems that are shaky (kind of like my laptop...).  

Friday, September 12, 2003

Johnny Cash died last night.  Dad had a bunch of his albums.  I remember something about San Quintin.  Danny and I of course got a kick out of "A Boy named Sue."

It looks like all our stuff is done for the house on the bay (http://members.cox.net/spam4jam).  We have keys and will probably spend the night tonight on an air mattress there for fun.  After a nice dinner.  Leigh busted her butt handling everything on both the Vancouver sale and Chicago St purchase.  I just got back from Oklahoma.  We're ready for the weekend.

I'm feeling better about work.  Now that the "invisible and unrewarding" but highly critical overhead is mostly done, the exciting work is beginning now.  Electronic, hyperlinked learning systems.  Very cool work.  Good deal.

Haven't run in a week.  Maybe this afternoon.  It's been hot, I've been out of town and I've been sore (all my lack of activity, I've forgotten about chronic back pain).  I actually put on weight after running for two weeks.  That doesn't seem right.  I need to keep running, though, I can still run the Silver Strand in November.

Hasta.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Long time no blog.  Lot has happened.  I had out of town training or trips three out of four weeks.  Dragged Leigh to Maine for five days. Lots of fun.  Stopped running.  Leigh's birthday was a couple days ago.  Surf lessons, keyboard, good dinner.  That's not important right now.

Right now we are watching television awaiting an evacuation order.  The City Fire Chief is showing a map of the area; there is a big red line running east-west a couple of miles north of us.  Winds are to the west and to the southwest.  We know of one couple close to us who lives in an area where 130 house were destroyed.  We hope otherwise but suspect that they lost their house.  Currently we have a number of friends in the Mission Gorge area which is currently ordered evacuated (it's directly across Interstate 8 from us.  We're hoping that Interstate 8 is an AWESOME fireblock.  The other Interstates have not been.  Our cats are in the house, so we'll be able to find them in the event that we have to go.  Booga is notorious for his late nights carousing.

The day started slowly enough with that extra hour in the morning.  It allowed us to enjoy the beautiful orange glow of sunrise.  It was a bit too orange, though, as a thick smoke layer exaggerated the color to an unnatural hue.  Early in the day, I was able to see flames when the Scripps Ranch area was burning down.  It's been very smoky since then.

All the City officials are kissing each other's butt on one screen, while in the other screen there is a long shot of our other friend's neighborhood burning.

I'll post this now while we still have power and cable.

Monday afternoon, October 27, 2003

Some pix.

Winds have been reasonable.  The smoke cover is thinner (the sky is the color of a formerly-white tub that hasn't been cleaned in too long).  Still some ash following.  Things in the immediate area look pretty good.  Most of the big "Cedar" fire passed several miles to the north yesterday.  I haven't heard what has happened to the Mission Gorge front (which caused the nearby evacuation last night).  The primary worry now for us is that there are continuing evacuations along Interstate-8 several miles to the west, adjacent to El Cajon's east side.  Consistently, areas that were thought to have burned out have started up again and in a different direction (the firefighters have only protected structures, they have been unable to do anything to the fire itself (they did light some backfires in Otay Mesa (the southernmost fire).  

Leigh went to volunteer at the Red Cross today; she's scheduled to do an All-Nighter at a shelter on Thursday night.  

We're hoping that things stay calm enough to allow the firefighters an opportunity to staunch some of the fires.  The fireline is just incredibly long.

It just occurred to me what the sky reminds me of: a city lit night in winter in Buffalo:  low snow heavy clouds orange with the reflection of the city; the ash is like the premature snowflakes.  It's warm snow.

Monday Late Night, October 27, 2003

It looks like the Santa Ana winds are over.  The "Cedar" fire, which was the one threatening us is not moving anywhere right now, just smoldering.  It looks like the big threat is over and unless something really weird happens, we're good.  Whew, THAT was fun.  Not.

The immediate area looks good.  No likely threat over the next couple of days.  Air quality is pretty nasty, we're hanging up pork around the house and getting ham.

Tuesday Morning, October 28, 2003

The immediate area looks good.  No likely threat over the next couple of days.  Air quality is pretty nasty, we're hanging up pork around the house and getting ham.

Thursday, 1:00pm, November 20, 2003

Long time no blog.  Been on a monstrous series of road trips over the last two months, but had some fun.  After the InRoads Conference in Arizona, I had Leigh join me for dinner with Barry Mathews (big brother) and Brad Adams (boss/mentor).  She also got to meet some Bentley folks, Ron Gant, in particular.  We then did the Grand Canyon for a couple of days including a hike to the bottom.  I'll post some pictures soon.

I am happy to be home and working on one job now.  Good stuff but monstrous in amount.

It looks like the Santa Ana winds are over.  The "Cedar" fire, which was the one threatening us is not moving anywhere right now, just smoldering.  It looks like the big threat is over and unless something really weird happens, we're good.  Whew, THAT was fun.  Not.

Thursday, 5:25p, January 8, 2004

Been back home from Christmas in Orlando (Mom turned 60) and New Years Football Marathon in Traverse City.  Work's been fine but in a tedious phase, hard to establish any momentum.  Think I'm past it now.  I should start posting many photos soon.