If you knew you could "grab one coffee" with a long-lost loved one, would you do it immediately?
Or would you wait? To draw it out... To bathe in the resurrected emotion. To wallow in the anticipation. To postpone another goodbye?
This morning The Call popped up in my "Windows Media Player" search and I bounced to Spotify which pointed out a New Single? WTF?! Michael passed away almost fifteen years ago.
Play.
Oh...
I shudder. I'm hit like when I found a photo of my dad (gone twenty-five years) dancing with my sister. Thankful to discover something familiar and something brand new instantaneously. Seeing a new part of his life after all this time.
Pause.
I'm two minutes into the song and I'm hitting Pause. It's unlikely that I'll ever hear Michael's voice new again; no need to rush. It's unlikely that I'll ever feel this intensely again about a man I loved now long gone.
Time steals. Some moments are precious. Dwell in them. Savor...
The Call hit the Alternative Rock Scene pretty big with their Modern Romans album, with heavy play of "The Walls Came Down." They never broke big for the world, but they did for me.
Michael Been could sing, he could play, he could preach. He was intense live and he was intense in his lyrics. And by God, he could convey emotion.
Michael has thoughts on God, on society, on your obligations. He was not afraid to share these thoughts; in fact, it seemed his purpose.
I remember when Reconciled was released. Back in the day when you bought albums. And spun them for weeks.
My life was in one of its tumults - change of states, change of majors, still questing for God.
One image of that phase of my life is me in my room alone at night listening to The Call albums. Not really alone.
As the most intense "religious" part of my life was ablating, Michael was warning me about Doubt.
While I didn't always agree with him, about his intent I never had doubt. I trusted him. He was urging me to be better. He strengthened my conscience. He was a part of my better growth.
Throughout their career, The Call were important in my life.
"I Don't Wanna" reversed a breakup.
Late in their career, at a concert outside a very small club in San Diego, Michael and Tom were checking IDs at the door. I was able to tell him "If God were to give me the ability to sing like anyone, I would pick you. You are able to convey emotion so beautifully..." He was so gracious in his response.
It's so meaningful when you can tell someone who has made a difference in your life that they have and get to see their appreciation. I'm not sure if that was the start, but "Compliments that Move" is now my favorite way to connect. It's not changing the world, but it can make a bit of a difference to those around me.
And I wasn't being hyperbolic. Listening to Michael sing is like you're sitting across from him, and he's talking to you. He's emotional broadband, you get the full spectrum of communication from his voice. He's not singing about his heart, he's conversing with you about his heart.
Depending on the topic, he may be gentle, he may be scolding, he may be apocalyptic. But you always sense his hope, his compassion and his love. His love for God, his love for the world, his love for you.
There are too few men for whom I can say "I love this man." Especially "strangers". But I loved Michael Been. I love him now. And listening to these new songs is going to be like having, after all these years, a dinner with my dad.
Play?
No. I can't just yet. I just can't.
For now I Pause. Reminisce a while... Extend these gifted moments.